Giving how I’m feeling today it felt appropriate to post this little snippet. It’s from a loose collection of spell-themed fics and poetry that someday may become a pamplet called ‘Spells of Glam Geeks and Emo Kids’. Brb, off to buy cheap & nasty booze.
A spell for removing the sads.
Take a jar of jam and layer liberally in a trail leading to an empty liquor-bottle (cheap, nasty – ideally bells, vodkat or Tesco Value White Spirit, anything that tastes of despair). Pour a libation of said spirit down your throat (you will not enjoy it, but that’s ok) and sprinkle the jam with your ensuing tears (must be fresh).
Soak a rag in said liquor and embroider upon it the lyrics to the angstiest (not saddest) song you know (Evanescence, My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte all work, the perfect cocktail of anger and depression – too much sad and the spell will fizzle, too much anger and you risk an explosion of nuclear proportions).
Keep a lighter nearby and ready (zippo for preference, it will have no effect on the spell, but zippo’s are cool).
Draw forth the sads with an act of deliberate, cloying self-frustration/malfeasance. For example: search for #misandry on twitter. Or log-on to reddit. Read a book by Dan Brown. Or watch a film with which Michael Bay had any involvement.
As the words eat caustic through you and your brain cells begin to pop with despair the sad-sects will emerge. They will crawl, buzzing the not-quite-sound of their doubt-filled bite-thoughts, from your every orifice. Try to let them, it will be more pleasant if you do not resist.
Attracted by the sweet jam and sweeter tears they will swarm along the trail (consuming it utterly) and into the bottle. Stuff the rag down the bottle’s neck as if you were trying to suffocate it and when it is firmly in place you must set it alight and throw it through the nearest window.
The resulting explosion will be the sweetest music you have yet heard.