This creation myth came so close to actually being appropriate for children. So close!
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived alone in a forest for she was the only little girl in all the world.
Where were this girl’s parents you may ask? Well, they are not important to this story, so it’s probably safe to assume they’re dead or evil or cursed or something.
Now, the forest in which the girl lived was dark and cold and full of monsters, so the little girl built a house out of logs and she was snug and safe inside it.
Shortly after she had finished it, there was a knock on the door. Who could be knocking? she thought. No-one even knows I live here yet.
And when she opened the door, all the monsters of the forest were crowded around outside in a sea of claws and eyes and undulous limbs.
Please little girl, said the monsters, it’s very cold and scary out here. Could we come in?
Alright, said the little girl, so long as you promise to *behave*.
So the little girl let them in on the proviso they’d be on their very best behaviour.
And while they did behave, it was awfully cramped with all those monsters in the girl’s house, like a game of sardines where everyone’s mainly made of teeth. And the little girl wasn’t very comfortable, so she went outside into the woods.
The woods were still very cold and very dark and for a while the little girl was tempted to set it on fire, but while that would solve the problem, it felt like it may cause a few problems of its own so she didn’t do that.
So the little girl took a few shiny stones from the earth, dug from the rock in the gloomy places underground where it was even darker, and she asked them very nicely if they wouldn’t mind sitting up in the sky for a while and sparkling some light down.
They thought the girl was very sweet, so they agreed it was a capital idea and she threw them as hard as she could and up they went. They glitter there still.
As it was still cold, the girl went and spoke to the dragon of the forest who was so big and so old that they weren’t afraid of anything.
And the little girl asked if maybe sometimes the dragon wouldn’t mind breathing some fire and keeping things warm.
The dragon didn’t really see what was in it for them…
So the girl pointed out the shiny stones she’d set in the sky and said: Dragon, if you give me just a bit of fire every day then they shall all be yours.
And the dragon said: They seem awfully far away.
And she said: But you have wings, dragon, you could fly up there and spread your wings across the whole sky and they could be your hoard.
The dragon liked the sound of this very much, so from then on they agreed to light up the sky with warm fire for half of every day. And that’s just what they did.
Feeling thoroughly satisfied, the girl went back to her house.
Where she was promptly eaten by the monsters, as she had been away so long they’d quite forgotten their promise to behave.
And all the little bits of the girl in the tummies of the monsters were furious. This was the girl who charmed the stars. Who knew the secret of the dragon who became the sun. And she was displeased.
So she began to twist and turn and change the monsters from within and they all had the most terrible stomach aches that had them rolling on the floor in pain.
And when they got up, they weren’t monsters any more, but humans.
They spread out through the forest and beyond and began making houses and tools and bargains with other monsters in the lands beyond.
But, deep down, there would always be a little bit of monster left behind.
This is why most people are quite unpleasant.
But further down than that, was a little piece of the little girl who lived alone in the wood.
This is why most people are quite extraordinary.