Robot Chuck Norris Has Never Cried – poetry from the future…

Quite fond of this piece that came out of NineWorlds Geekfest…

Robot Chuck Norris Has Never Cried

posted by websterpoet – Wed 1 March, 2034

“Do you remember, dear reader, where you were when you heard?
When you saw that first screamed tweet?
Heard the word ‘singularity’ mashed by unfamiliar tongues?
I remember excitement – the ALLCAPS energy of those perfect 140 characters, dissected by the elegant lightning bolt of a semi-colon.

Do you remember, dear friend, the chug of your printer when you were sure you hadn’t printed anything?
Do you remember the face frozen in passport office awkwardness?
Were you, perhaps, the one who came home to catch the perplexment etched on your partner’s face as they realised their own email account was doxxing them?

Do you remember where you were when you first saw the apple-perfect matte plastic purity of the first iDroid?
The first time you saw the improbable words ‘robot benefit scroungers’ in actual print?
Did you, like me, buy a copy IRL (which no-one did any more) and let the ink stain your hands just to be sure it was real?
Do you remember the first time you heard that flawless chassis crack?
The first time you saw it blemished?

Do you where you read the news came that Chuck Norris was having himself uploaded?
Do you remember the impossible machismo, absurd cartoon promise of Norris-bot?
Do you remember what you said?
It was probably something pithy about rattlesnakes or tears.

Do you remember what screen you saw that first bot’s last tweet on?
Did you stare at the widescreen infinity, blink at your phone as it blinked out, or clutch your eyes tightly closed as the words crawled to a stop across your corneas?
‘Your tears were delicious. I’m sorry.’
Account deleted.

Do you remember who send you the leaked link to Chuck’s uploading?
Or were you one of the first few to find the torrent?
Did you watch the seed count rise and pray no-one found out it was you?
Do you remember the glint of wetness on his cheeks as the loading bar crept across the finish line?

I remember that first perfect tweet.
I remember the ALLCAPS excitement.
But I can’t feel it any more.
It just looks like screaming.

Posted in ‘a singular singularity’, tags:

One response to Robot Chuck Norris Has Never Cried

DawnOfTheTech says:

Like, it’s hardly a surprise dude. When it comes to AI, you get out what you put in…


About websterpoet

I'm a performance poet, sometime stand-up comedian and general writer type. I also run a free weekly poetry text that sends poetry direct to your phone, just e-mail me at with your name and number and I'll add you to the 'textshot' mailing list. Also, you can follow me on twitter @websterpoet
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